Im at strip club and am horny
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
