Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
