I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
