I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
