I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
