Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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