so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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