Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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