Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
