He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
