Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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