How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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