Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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