is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
