I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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