im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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