32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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