At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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