it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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