You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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