An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
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