i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
