last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
