she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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