oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
