my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
