You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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