I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
