I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
