come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
