a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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