i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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