You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
