He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
