Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
my liver is dry heaving
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
