Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
