i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Randomize
