ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize