all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
