just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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