Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You can't special order awesome
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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