He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I got inside last night via doggy door
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
