I will die if light touches me.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
