just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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