Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
