You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
