It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
