so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
