I hate your face
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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