God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
