my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
