dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
