: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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