nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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