The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
