I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
