what day is it and did you see me today?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
