I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
