I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
where am i from again
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
