Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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