with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So vagazzling was a success
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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