after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
