Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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