Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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