party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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