My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
