If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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