Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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