Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
