Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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