she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize