Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
