Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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