girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
