i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize