It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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