I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
