I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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