How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
