It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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