first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
