Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
