He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
