I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
