you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
