You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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