Umm I'm too high to move.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
