saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
