apparently the secret to your success is patron
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
