her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
