Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
