Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just found a bag of teeth...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
