Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
