If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you had me at cake vodka
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
