why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
