So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
