Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize