I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
