someone get that fucking seahorse.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
