we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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