It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
