I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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